Retiring from the Role I Never Auditioned For
According to Google, performative behavior “refers to actions taken primarily to project a desired image and gain social approval or validation, rather than being rooted in genuine beliefs or actions. It often involves conforming to societal expectations, maintaining a facade, and sacrificing authenticity to achieve perceived social success.”
Reading one of Myleik Teele’s Substack posts recently sparked curiosity in me. She wrote, “Friendship isn’t just about feeling seen.” And then this line stopped me in my tracks: “Stop managing perception. Because when you’re managing perception, you’re not connecting—you’re performing. And nothing real grows when you’re performing.”
Whew 😮💨
It reminded me of a time when I was constantly managing how people saw me. I remember apologizing to someone for an interaction that, in hindsight, wasn’t a big deal at all. But at the time, I held her in such high regard that I needed her to see me a certain way. Her perception of me mattered more than my truth.
Back then, external acceptance felt more valuable than owning my whole self—my quirks, voice, and presence. I wanted to be liked more than I wanted to be me.
I recall performing by making people believe I’m living out my dreams on the outside, while crying myself to sleep at night — torn between belief and sadness.
If you had asked me back then, “Do you love yourself?” I would’ve answered with a resounding yes.
But looking back, my behavior said otherwise.
I made choices that pulled me further from who I truly was. I confused my mistakes with my identity, and I didn’t know how to separate the two. I let shame write my narrative while convincing the world I was fine.
And the insecurities I carried? They made it easy for others to manipulate me. I lost my boundaries trying to be everything for everyone, hoping it would make me enough.
But there is freedom in truth. There is power in being radically honest with yourself.
Taking off the mask helped me see that I carry the same light I’m often drawn to in others.
When we talk about living authentically, we’re talking about coming home to ourselves—about seeing strength in who we already are, not who we think we need to be.
Cue Beyonce
