Rediscovering Yourself: The Identity Shift of Motherhood
As we navigate life, we create dreams and goals for ourselves. Visions of who we want to be, what we hope to accomplish, and how we imagine living.
Then life happens.
Marriage.
Motherhood.
Moments that are meaningful and full of love, yet can also lead us down unexpected paths.
These detours often bring a deeper purpose, but they can also contribute to something we don’t talk about enough: a quiet loss of self. The layers of responsibility, shifting priorities, and emotional load can leave many women wondering where their identity went.
At some point, many mothers look in the mirror and ask:
Who am I now?
What happened to the dreams and aspirations I had before I became a wife or mother?
This question is more common than we think, and it’s why Ayesha Curry’s recent interview on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast, titled Marriage, Motherhood, and My Identity, resonated with so many.
She shared:
"I didn’t have time to think about what I wanted anymore. I had spent my entire life working toward something, and it kinda just disappeared. I didn’t think twice about it. But after my daughter turned one, I remember feeling a shift. I have goals for myself, and this doesn’t feel right. I love being a mom, and I also like doing other things too. I needed to get my stuff together and figure out what that looks like for me."
Ayesha echoed Alex’s sentiment, sharing her experience with the lingering mom guilt that so many feel—guilt for having a career, for wanting more, and for not always being present at home. She added that over time, you can lose touch with the parts of yourself that once felt interesting—even to you.
“The things that made you feel confident and cool,” she said. “You start to wonder, what am I even doing?”
These reflections are raw and real. And they remind us that motherhood and identity can coexist. Being a mother doesn’t mean you have to abandon your passions, interests, or personal goals. Yet society still suggests that women must choose—either be fully selfless or risk being seen as selfish.
What if motherhood, like any other title or role, could be shaped to fit you and your family? What if it didn’t require giving up your identity to fulfill it?
Much of the online conversation around Ayesha’s comments painted her as ungrateful. Some questioned how she could feel lost while married to an NBA star, seemingly living a perfect life. But that’s the point—identity loss in motherhood can happen no matter your status, resources, or lifestyle. It’s not about being ungrateful. It’s about being human.
Somehow, the moment you become a mother, people expect your personal aspirations to disappear. You’re not supposed to question it. You’re not supposed to long for who you used to be. And if you do, the response is often: How dare you.
But many women are starting to ask these questions—and they're not wrong for doing so.
More and more are realizing that it's okay to want more, to crave fulfillment beyond motherhood, and to reclaim parts of themselves that may have been set aside.
At A Rhaea Hope, this is a conversation that comes up often. It’s one I’ve shared with friends, colleagues, and clients over the years. In response, our practice recently launched a service specifically for mothers navigating these identity shifts. We brought on a therapist who focuses solely on supporting women in this season of life—helping them process the guilt, grief, and changes that often come with becoming a mother. Her work centers on helping women redefine what motherhood means to them and reconnect with the parts of themselves they’ve put on hold.
Because you can be a devoted mom and still be your own person.
And you don’t have to apologize for wanting both.
Rediscovering Yourself: A Gentle Starting Point
If any part of this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Wanting more for yourself doesn’t make you less of a mother—it makes you human. You can hold deep love for your children and still hold space for your dreams. Both can be true.
If you’re in this season of rediscovery, here are a few questions to gently explore:
Who was I before becoming a mother, and which parts of her do I miss?
What brings me joy outside of my roles and responsibilities?
If I could reclaim one part of my identity right now, what would it be?
What do I need to feel more like myself again?
These aren’t questions you need to have immediate answers to. But sitting with them can be the beginning of reconnecting with yourself—one small step at a time.
Need support on this journey?
A Rhaea Hope offers a specialized therapy service designed just for mothers navigating the complex emotions that come with identity shifts, mom guilt, and rediscovery. Our therapist walks alongside you as you redefine motherhood in a way that honors both your family and your sense of self.
If you reside in Virginia or are able to be in Virginia during your virtual therapy sessions, we invite you to contact us for a free consultation.
We’re here to help you reconnect with the version of yourself you may have put on hold—and remind you that she still matters.
Until Next Time…
