From Scarcity to Possibility

The other night, while on the phone with a friend, I stumbled upon a post on Instagram. The North Pole at Proof Kitchen is officially here. And listen… I am an absolute sucka for holiday-themed outdoor seating.

I’m talking twinkle lights, warm cocktails, puffy coats, and the ambiance that whispers “take a photo of me.”
So, I tapped in.

I described the setting to my friend and immediately scrolled to the bottom of the post for the real deetts:
What’s the cost?
What’s on the menu?
Which theme do we love the most?

Everything aligned. “WE ARE GOING,” I yelled.

Then I hit the bottom line: Reservation requires 6–8 people.

Me: “I don’t know six people to gather for dinner.”
Friend: “Yes, you do.”
Me: “No. No, I actually don’t.”

And thus began…the downward spiral.

After the dust settled (and my dramatic moment passed), I realized—of course I have more than six friends I could invite.
So why did my brain instantly go to lack?
Why was my very first thought: “I don’t have, therefore I can’t”?

Cue me, diving headfirst into a reflective rabbit hole.

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The Lack Loop: Why We Lead With “I Don’t Have”

For many of us, especially if we’ve been in survival mode for years, our brains get wired for lack—not celebration or abundance. The mind becomes a scanner for danger, patterns, past wounds. Your body literally keeps the score of painful moments so that it can prevent you from repeating them.

And that’s how we land straight into what I call the “victim pocket.”

You know the one:
“Remember that time no one showed up for me?”
“People are never there for me.”
“This always happens.”

It’s a pocket lined with old stories, old pain, and an overactive nervous system.

Reality is…

Victimhood is a survival strategy.

That old script isn’t a failure—it’s muscle memory.
It gave your pain language.
It helped you make sense of what happened.
It created distance from people who felt unsafe—and for a long time, that mattered.

But here’s where we go deeper.

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A Few Truths

Lack feels familiar.
Pain teaches faster than joy. Your mind returns to what it knows, even if it no longer fits your life.

Gratitude takes intention.
Negativity is automatic. Gratitude is a practice. A muscle—not a mood.

There’s hope.
Noticing you’re in the pocket means you’re outgrowing it.
You have awareness now.
You have a choice.
You have tools.

Gentle reminder:
“I am safe now. I don’t need that shield anymore.”

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Helpful Tools to Move Out of the Pocket

1. Pause + Name It

Without judgment. Without shame.
Ask yourself:
What just made me feel small?
Was it a tone? A situation? An old wound resurfacing?
Calling it out disarms it.

2. Regulate Your Body (Not Just Your Brain)

Victimhood lives in the nervous system.
Try:

• Slow breathing 

• A short walk

• Prayer

• Grounding Exercise

Your body needs to feel safe before your thoughts can follow.

3. Ask: “What Is the Real Need Underneath This?”

Is it:
Safety?
Reassurance?
Validation?
Support?

Meet the need, and the old pattern loosens its grip.

4. Rehearse Your New Identity

Not fluff. Not toxic positivity.
Something grounded like:

• I can handle this now

• I’m not in danger

• I’m allowed to choose differently.

Identity shapes behavior more than thoughts alone.

5. Collect Evidence

Victimhood is fueled by memory.
Freedom is fueled by new evidence.

Each day, name:

• One thing that went right

• One thing you handled well

• One thing you learned

Small wins stack fast.

Until Next Time